rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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