Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
