I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
