I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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