So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
