Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
