Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
