sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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