I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
