...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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