I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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