Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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