sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
