I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
