My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
