Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm passing your future prison.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
