I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need to sanitize my soul.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
