I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He shit in the fireplace
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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