well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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