Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I understand Curling. That high.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
