stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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