If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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