can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
