He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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