I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
