I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
