it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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