I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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