I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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