I'm lost and stupid without you.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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