I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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