i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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