How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
