I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
