Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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