My cat gives me a boner
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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