yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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