I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize