Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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