This girl is more easily done than said...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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