He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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