You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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