apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
