I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
