I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
