remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
