You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
