i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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