Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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