we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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