Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
