You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
