I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
