sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
