I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
