he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
