You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
