Your face is a jimmy john
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
