he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
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You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I did not marry a roomba.
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