dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
