I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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