We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
