Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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