also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
