I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
