did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
