Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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