but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
