So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
