i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
