Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
