can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
