it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
